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First of All...

This Blog is for anyone who would like to read it, but some posts are locked under 'friends-only' for the safety of those persons discussed within them. Please friend me to read everything that is written!

Many entries will be sexually explicit and may have the possiblity of being offensive. Please do not read if these types of things will bother you.

Situation: Haters on Poly

There are a lot of people who have a serious problem with my lifestyle. Be it closed-mindedness, jealousy, confusion, or simple idiocy,  their words and actions can hurt.

One night A, D, J, and I, along with a group of people, went out to a little club. We were in general entertained until one guy in our party punched A in the stomach with intent to seriously injure... seemingly randomly. A found me and informed me of the situation... we immediately decided to leave. In order to avoid future violence, A immediately went outside while I collected J and D.

later informed us that the guy had a serious problem with our relationship. And since he can't women and he's a closer friend of D's, the only person left to take his aggression out on was A. Not to mention the fellow has psychotic tendencies. I was upset that D had not kept us up to speed on various threats. Since this point, neither A nor I will consent to being around Mr. Hater. 

As time progressed, D asked me to be civil, and I allowed that if we accidentally ended up in the same place, I would ignore him. But I would never agree to actively going someplace with him or where he already was. I removed myself from activities that D invited him to. Simply put, I felt as though the entire thing was disrespectful, and despite D's friendship with the guy, he should have attempted to be more sensitive to the issue. Since a particular reiteration of my unwillingness, has not asked me again.

Another person (or couple) that takes issue with poly is D's flatmate and his girlfriend. The flatmate has always been exceedingly mean, rude, callous, and downright cruel to me. In general, I avoided him as much as possible. Fortunately, he wasn't around very often. Whenever he was, he took the opportunity to be a huge asshole. He'd say things like "it would be different if guys were actually dating!" and "it's not like she matters to you, you just keep her around to fuck," and "if you want to express your opinion, you can go back in D's bedroom where you're allowed to be." The most recent of these times, I declared if he did it one more time, I would never come back to the apartment. I don't need to take such abuse. 

A reiterates the age-old "Haters gonna Hate." And he's right, there's nothing you can do about it. They just make up their minds that I'm a bad person because I love more than one person... but they probably don't think about it like that. 

Event: Two Year Anniversary

My two year anniversary with A was at the end of August. We chose to return to Sybaris for the night, and we brought D along with us... despite the rules of the establishment. When we arrived, the bed was covered in rose petals and D had fun playing photographer and taking pictures of me. We made an attempt to take our "mirror above the bed" photo that we take every time we go, but most of the shots came out blurry. The sex was fun- the several episodes of it. But really it was about all of us playing in the pool and the steam room and the hot tub, drinking beer and wine, and in general enjoying each other's company. 

I got took the opportunity to take out my corset (my present from A, although given early... I gave him a bottle of bourbon,) and cat ears and tail, and prance around like that. The boys seemed very fond. I was so happy that D chose to join us. The experience would have been wonderful with A, but D added to it. I know he felt like he was intruding a little... but we wanted him there. He had become a part of our relationship, honestly. 

At the end of the night, after a particularly wild session, fell into a rather deep slumber. and I ended up having a very interesting sexscapade on the floor and in the shower... over and over again. I kind of lost count. It was intensely passionate and intimate. I really enjoyed it... although I would have liked to be awake for it, I do think the little bit of alone time was nice. 

I am so grateful for both of them. has been amazing for the last two years and I am a lucky girl to have him. 

Event: Camping; Situation: Sex in a Vee

One weekend in mid-August, A, D, J, and I (along with some randoms) went camping. All in all the trip was quite fun. We cooked things and drank and played games.

We stayed for two nights, and I will discuss the sex for you:

Night one: The four of us in a freezing tent. For some reason, the other three were far drunker than I was, especially DJ seemed to decide she really, really, wanted A to fuck her so she got right on that. I ended up squished into the corner with D. We cuddled because he was feeling sick... so I spent this time petting him. After a period of time, finished her fun and promptly hopped over me and wrapped around her. They both swiftly passed out... to be fair I think D was already out. A finally poked at me see if I would cuddle up with him, but by this point I just felt pissed and rejected by both of the boys.

The next day I took the initiative to tell them both exactly why I was displeased, and they took is upon themselves to make it better. J left that day for family obligations, and that left the three of us and a group of people that I didn't now terribly well. D took part in an obstacle race, and A and I went in at the end to chuckle at him being covered in mud, take pictures, and collect him to go to a brewery tour. I like seeing him so happy.

Night two: It wasn't actually that late when AD, and I ended up in our tent. It was certainly an all-about-me situation. They both tended to me beautifully. I sincerely love having sex with them. A's mouth and hands on me with D's voice in my ear and hands pulling my hair. One cock in my mouth and one in my pussy. And for the first time, we engaged in vaginal/anal double penetration.

I'd done that one or two times before, but they weren't very successful. This, however, was an intensely exquisite feeling. The simplest word would be: full. A was lying under me and taking occupation of my ass. D was on top of me, in my pussy. He was concerned that he wouldn't fit at first, but it fit quite beautiful. Both of my gentlemen are above average in size, so I was quite proud of myself. I loved it. In the end, ended up finishing first and took a bit longer... in the end the extra crowd at the campsite made a request to watch the two of us, so we allowed it. It was just simply doggy style by then. One girl gave a weird command to one of the guys to come in and join us... I gave an adamant 'no' and D took to guarding the entrance to the tent until he came in to kiss me.  It was very fun... I certainly felt sated at the end of it. 

Outings: Renaissance and Streetfest

People are always terribly confused by poly groups in public. Frankly, I couldn't care less about the gawking and scoffing and whatnot, and I'm always amused by the inquisitions.

One Saturday, AD, our platonic friend JP, and I visited a nearby Ren Faire. I had acquired a perfectly suitable dress at a thrift shop and the boys... kind of not really dressed up (as per usual.) It was a very fun visit. I really like outings like these with the boys... it's so much fun to see them together and for the whole group of us to banter. 

Amusingly, the guys ended up in a three-way fencing match in which they had to pop balloons on each other's heads. 

Spending the whole day together was lovely. 

Later, ADL, and I went to a street festival together. It was like being with a family. We ran around and drank and got into trouble and relaxed a hillside. 

These are actually my favorite times as a poly person: yeah, the group sex is fun... but just being together. Reclining back on the grass together... It's so nice.

The four of us did end up having a foursome at one time or another, and it was very fun as well.... but I can't quite remember when that actually happened.


Event: Spontaneous FFM

After that night out with random people and kicking my uninteresting date to the curb, I went home and went to bed. D showed up later with very little warning... and he toted  one of his girls along with him: J. Apparently, he didn't see fit to inform J what he had planned for us, or me that he hadn't informed her. In fact, I didn't even know what was going on. None-the-less, they summarily toppled into my bed while I was basically asleep and started to play. Well, who was I to say no? This just continues on to prove the women like women... generally; whether they know it or not.

J is a very beautiful girl in her late teens, Irish with a blinding mop of red curls, and a knack for adventure. We gave her a good time. Seeing as this was D's first FFM, I'd say he was pretty happy with the experience. Given I took the lead, (not my favorite place in these events, but necessary here as the only one who really knew what to do) there were no hitches and everyone was happy and had an excellent time. D did good work... first FFMs are hard on the guy.... FMFs are even harder. As much as the men enjoy them, they have two women to please, on all their own merit with the latter option. Lots of guys have this fantasy, and that is very understandable... but they often let their minds gloss over the fact that they have to have the stamina, variety, and ability to satisfy two women.... most me have trouble satisfying one.

In the morning, after sleeping over.... D looked at me pleadingly and asked to go out to see K-mentioned in the previous post. Immediately I saw the problem. He wanted to ditch J. Men do stupid things sometimes. But truthfully, K was moving to Europe soon so I could understand his want to spend time with her.

This was the fourth of July. I took J out for brunch and let her talk at me. We watched the parade. Basically, I took her out on a date. She seems to have developed a rather cute crush on me. I'm fond of her. It was fun. Yay new friends.

Crappy Online Dating with a Bi Status

I changed my OKCupid profile status to Bi several months ago as an experiment to see what sorts of people contacted me and to see if there were any differences in the messages. Oh, there were differences.

The increase in crude, NSA, messages increased. I received messages from less attractive people... and more messages from people who for some reason like to photograph themselves topless in the mirror and crop off their faces.

There were very few messages from women... most unattractive or uninteresting or simply looking for a threesome with their boyfriend... mostly they were all of the above wrapped in one joyous package on distastefulness. 

One day I planned dates with two people who messaged me and appeared intelligent and at least mildly attractive. I met up with the girl for lunch. She weighed about 50 pounds more than her photos showed... but she was lovely and entertaining, so I made a friend. I met up with the guy for drinks that night. He was still attractive, but he was dumb as a doornail... talked about his service job the whole time and in general bored the hell out of me. I met some other people in the bar and ended up hanging out with them.

In conclusion... as a female, don't change your status to bi... you will not receive any useful messages. Simply send messages to the girls you like whether they are listed as bi or not. Honestly... they'll probably be flattered.


I have many hypotheses about why men are bad in bed, but only a few conclusions have come from them.

1. Men do not know how to lead.

YOU are the dominant in the situation. YOU are the one who tells her what to do. YOU are the one who initiates most often. In essence, direct your woman. She doesn't want to? Go down on her. That'll make her more interested. Move her into the positions. Want head? Put your dick near her face; she'll get the picture. If you just sit there and make her decide what to do all on her own, she will choose NOTHING. She'll just look at you with those big, pretty eyes and WAIT FOR YOU TO LEAD HER. 

2. Women don't tell you anything. OR You don't listen when women tell you things.

Women do not answer direct, open questions about sex. They don't/can't/won't/ who knows.
So you cannot ask "What do you like?"
You have to ask: "Do you like when I (insert action here)?" or better yet: "Do you like when I do this?" while doing said action.

Also, PAY attention to her sounds and body language. She's not going to use words most of the time. So the gasps, the shaking, the scratching, the moaning.... these are all good signs. Follow them like a path. Important tip: when she starts escalating, DO NOT ESCALATE WITH HER. That means you're doing it right. Don't increase speed or pressure... don't change anything. You'll get off your mark or mess up her rhythm. Encourage her, but don't change anything unless she literally tells you to. 

Women have a hard time saying "I like that" without any sort of pressure from you, so that's why you have to ask. In addition, this takes us to an extremely simple way to handle part of #3, below.

3. Women have to be put mentally into an extremely sexual situation in order to orgasm.

I realize you are having sex. This is completely irrelevant to the female mind, which is very busy multitasking-what it does best- and really can only be bothered to spend maybe a fourth of it's attention on the task at hand.

Your object is to get ALL of her attention on it. You want her to forget about making dinner, doing homework, working out, laundry, etc. She needs to relax, and you have to make her do it. This is why so many of these situations start with a massage. You don't actually need to give her one, but it doesn't hurt. That relaxed state of pre-sleep is pretty useful. In order to get all of this attention on sexual thoughts, you need to engage more of her senses.

Touch; you LOVE touching: Touch everything; everywhere, and refer back to #2 to figure out the best spots. In the future, don't just go to those spots, continue touching everything, but remember them as your "go-tos."  Soft sheets and bedding are helpful as well. 

Smell: Women tend to have more heightened senses of smell than men: if you smell bad, SHE WILL NOTICE. Deodorant, clean sheets, and even a little cologne go a long way. Clean is sexy, in this case.

Taste: Brush your teeth. Bad tastes are a distraction. Sweet fruit and chocolate certainly can help as well. This is dependent on the woman, but I for one don't mind if your skin is a little salty from sweat as long as you smell alright...

Sight: You know that you need to look good. Get in shape. Come on now. I shouldn't even have to mention that. But in addition to this, things she sees should remind her of sex. Darker colors: reds and blacks; uncluttered areas that aren't a distraction. Your face and eyes are extremely important, and she should get a lot of time looking at them; especially while you touch her. Create intimacy this way.

Hearing: This is by far the most neglected and possibly the most important (apart from touch) sense that you need to remember. You need to talk to her. As mentioned previously, asking her close-ended, sexual questions is an excellent start. In fact, you can say ALMOST ANYTHING as long as you say it right. 

"Yeah baby...." works almost as well as "You like when I touch your pussy, don't you?" 

Your voice should be low, quiet, calm, and dominant, almost like a purr. You can keep your lips right close to her ear for added intimacy or speak against her skin. Just make sure she can hear you. You know you're going to make her come. She should know that, too. 

Various other options for you if you're afraid of using direct, sexual talk:

"Mmhmm... mmmhmm... yeah."
"Damn you feel good."
"You're such a good girl."
"I'm not going to stop. I'm going to keep going."
"I love this."
"You're going to make me come all over the place!"
"Come on baby, come on!"
In fact you moaning or the like works well, too.

Anything displaying heightened emotional, intimate content. Anything that shows you're in control of her. Anything that shows you're losing control of yourself.  Anything that reminds her that you are having sex, and she feels really really good. Once you and she realize that she loves this shit, go a little more hard core.

"This is my pussy."
"There's my girl; you suck that cock."
"Fuck yes, take it all!"
etc. etc This is pretty obvious.

Don't swear very often? Now is the time. Now is also the time to find out if she likes any sort of humiliation, i.e. being called a slut or bitch or being "used." Test it. She'll either get angry or so turned on she goes nuts. NOTE: Do not do this with women who have religious sexual hang-ups. Fair warning. Feel free to ask "Do you like being my little slut?" That oughta get you an answer pretty fast.

You can even tell her to say things that you'd like to hear. That'll turn her on, too.

4. Just because you're finished doesn't mean that she is finished.

In fact, I can almost promise that's she's not finished. Even if she had an orgasm during foreplay and an orgasm during intercourse, she's still not finished. So see if you can't push her a little more. She'll probably tell you to stop, and you should reply something about how you're not finished playing with her yet; you want to do this. Then let your hands or your mouth take over again. She will love you for this.

The bottom line: Up the ante. Make things more stream-lined, passionate, and heady to avoid distraction and keep her mind on the situation at hand. Read some books/ watch some stuff online and see how you're supposed to do things, then learn exactly what she likes through trial and error. And finally, keep going until she absolutely makes you stop. In other words, she pushes you off of her. She may think she's finished.... but she's not. 


In the event that a new person is being brought into the social circle, the main couple must make a sincere effort to maintain a connection with each other.

This past weekend, AD, and I drove to the nude beach previously mentioned in this post: __. It was definitely a peaceful, comfortable, relaxing experience. The three of made a few noncommittal friends and spent most of our time playing in the shallow waters and napping on the sand. 

For the evening, we met up with our friends Y and S from the post "Innocent Project." S was due for more time with A and thus, we were all there. It was was a night out on the town with me fueled by caffeinated ice cream and tequila. I gave A and S time to themselves, mostly I felt like he was expending all of his energy and attention on her; making her feel comfortable, and I wanted to help. As such, I made a lot of friends and was offered the bed of a pair of 23 year-old twins (You have to love college towns.)

D and I gave Y  some club dancing lessons, and in general everyone appeared to have a good time. Then, I called the evening quits in a foresighted excuse to get away from upcoming activities and headed home.

The sexual situation was disjointed. While much of the time A, D, and I were all giving attention to S, any attention given to me was only from; all of D's attention was from me, and all of A's attention was from S. I didn't want to interfere- honestly A exhibited poor leading and I floundered, but fortunately, it didn't have a noticeable effect on S's experience.

Speaking of her experience, that deserves it's own post: see "Orgasm Coaching."

We had two queen beds and ended up pushing them together. Despite this, I still ended up curled up with D, and with I ignored all of the negative, rejected, disconnected feelings and resolved myself to a good time: which I had. While I had intercourse with D three or four times over the course of the weekend, A and I never did until our return home. I did get a bit of attention after S left in the morning, but I wasn't quite what I wanted. Although it was fun- a first-time sort-of bukkake style blowjob for me, (mostly as entertainment for the boys) resulting in jewelry the epitome of the name 'pearl necklace.' It was even symmetrical.

After our drive home and D's departure, A and I discussed our current situation and reestablished our connection and companionship through talking, cuddling, and, of course, sex. Note: reconnection sex feels very interesting; almost like sleeping with a stranger who for some reason knows all your hot spots. It's good sex. needed to drive back to his city for work the next day, so unfortunately we couldn't wake up together in the morning. We took a nap and that resealed any remaining cracks.

So what we learned from the situation is to emphatically maintain our connection regardless of who else is present and/or involved. While I do not blame A for his behavior, he seems to. Apparently, while he makes far fewer mistakes with women than he did earlier in life, they still happen... usually with more subtlety.

The Tasks: (While bringing in other people to avoid Disconnection.)
1. Have intercourse. Seriously.
2. Maintain personal physical connection (hold hands sometimes, etc.)
3. Maintain "checking in."
4. Affirm the relationship as #1 while being diplomatic with others.
5. Demand attention if it is not being given while maintaining space as needed.

Alright, I can't speak for all women... but honestly I may as well. There are four key "ingredients" that incline me to keep a man in my life, and more importantly in my bed. It follows the adorable acronym APBP (Apbap). If you have 3/4 of these qualities, I am probably going to keep you, especially if the quality you are missing can be remedied. 

1. Be Attractive.

And by this, I mean be in shape, fit and certainly not overweight. Keep well-groomed and dress acceptably. Not like a homeless alcoholic. I understand you can't change your face. It's probably fine, anyway. Different women have different attractions, and there will be women who are attracted to your face. There will not be women who prefer you heavy-set. If they say that, they are lying.

2. Have an engaging, positive Personality.

If you are boring, I will have no interest in spending time with you. Do interesting things, engage in activities so that you have SOMETHING that you are passionate about, and more importantly, stories to tell me. I need to be excited to spend time with you. In addition, I need you to be uplifting and not a stick in the mud. Specifically to me, you must be highly open-minded. This is not necessary for all women.

Clearly, you must fulfill 1 and 2 to even get into bed with me.

3. Be good in Bed.

Seriously now. This can be learned. Read stuff. Practice. Ask questions. Don't just ram your fingers in me and start going to town. I probably don't like that. So learn technique. Orgasms are, in fact, essential, and I will be displeased if I don't have one. Especially because I'm easy. In addition, I do not want to have "Tea Party" sex with you. This is not like sitting around sipping earl grey. I want there to be passion, excitement. Do not simply sit on the bed and start taking off your clothes, then mine, then aseptically start going through the motions of sex. I will be dry as a bone and bored to tears. Show some dominance. LEAD ME. You'd be hard-pressed to find a woman who doesn't like to be told what to do in bed. If this is the only issue you have out of APBP, you are so in luck. This is the easiest to fix. I will probably train you happily

4. Have a decent-sized Penis.

I understand that you cannot change this. So hype up #3 and learn how to use a small dick, if you have one. Learn the positions most useful to you: girl-on-top, options with her legs together, missionary with her legs wrapped around your neck, etc. I'm spoiled rotten by my men, which are both above average, but most women aren't so picky. In fact, being smaller let's you make even better use of anal sex, so see everyone wins something. Bigger really isn't necessarily better for some women... even I have a limiting point.

Essentially, as a male, I an assuming that you have these qualities. If you don't, FIX IT. There will be women who you don't please with any number of your APBP qualities, but you should always be in shape, be fun, and have skill in bed.

The Abundance Problem: I have an overly large access to men. Currently, A and D both fulfill all four of APBP, so I'm hard-pressed to find new ones who live up to them. I generally meet men through two methods: at the bar where I work or online.

Of my two most recent experiences outside of my men, both were missing two qualities. The first was highly attractive and had a wonderful personality, but what bad in bed and poorly endowed. This guy has a shot; if I feel up to training him. The second had an attractive face, and an  amazing personality... then the clothes came off and he was overweight and also poorly-endowed; yet was excellent in bed. I'm honest enough to admit that I am shallow and likely won't keep this guy. You're male; your body should be hard planes not squishy pillows. And the second guy definitely tricked me into thinking he was in shape by dressing appropriately and in general being handsome. And once I'm in bed with you I'm not going to go all "Eh....... get out; I changed my mind." I would happily keep him if he were in shape. Penis-size was mostly irrelevant; he knew how to use it.

Seriously, can't you lot just tattoo your length and girth on the inside of your wrist or something? You all know we females' measurements; yeah we can cheat with push-up bras, but you can still tell how big our boobs and ass are. I hate getting all the way to bed and  then finding out you have a tiny dick that you can't use properly. It is such a let down. "Aw dammit... this isn't even worth my time and now I have to have sex with you." SURPRISE ME. KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

I used to slut it up way more than I do now... so I can honestly say that at least 90% of men are bad in bed... and 10% are so bad that they cause pain not just boredom. Be the exception. I promise it's really not that hard.


Y, male, and S, female, were brought into the social circle by D. Both were virgins. Most of the time, I consider virgins to be charity cases, because they have no idea what they're doing and are usually terrified of everything. They have to be coaxed and coddled; and honestly, as a submissive I don't really care to do that. None-the-less, over the space of a day I raised Y's confidence and comfort with to a level as which he was willing to easily kiss me or grab hold of me. I was his first kiss. That night when we somehow split into three pairs, I let Y decide how sexually explicit he would like to be with me, and we did end up  having intercourse, thereby ending his time as a virgin. I do believe he had fun. 

In the meantime, A was studiously working on S, who had never had an orgasm before. He didn't manage it that night, either. More Female Orgasm Control in another post...

Virgins really can be tough, especially the females because of their increased attachment issues following the loss of their virginity. In order to avoid that particular issue with Y, I chose to take him back to D's house, where he was staying. Then I sent him to the couch and climbed into bed with D and K. I'm sure this left no doubt in his mind as to his tier level: firmly friend and quaternary. Sleeping next to the ex-virgin after sex solidifies the bond, and it should be avoided. Will I ever go to bed with him again? Probably not, but it was fun. I just don't have the patience to train anymore. 

Training men in bed can be very difficult. Especially virgins because they are terrified. Most of the time a Mr. Limpy situation is encountered at some point. It takes a surplus of patience and attempts at ego-boosting. I've heard a little bit of lying goes a long way, but I've never chosen to try that route. I stick to gentle corrections and obvious responses. Positive reinforcement and direct suggestions: "I like it like this." Porn can only guide them so far... and often it guides them incorrectly. Showing them how you masturbate, literally placing their hands, and telling them in candid detail what you want is often useful. I like to avoid this and guide them gently through the situation.... but sometimes (most times) they just don't get it. 

In other words, if you have sex with a virgin (and you don't want it to be awkward and awful) then you need to be supremely confident. You need to know what you want, tell them what you want, and show them how to do it. In addition you also need to know and provide for what they want, even though they probably don't even know what that is. Since losing my virginity, I've been taught how to give head a dozen or so times, and have collected tips from each experience. Different people like different things, but there do seem to be some things in common. Smiley face emoticon.

Good Luck with the Newbies, and if you don't want to deal with all of this.... then don't. But don't ruin virgins for sex. If you can't be patient and show them a good, positive, uplifting experience, then don't get into bed with them at all. Your aim should be to raise their self-esteem and confidence levels so that look forward to their next sexual experience. You know that one girl who hates giving head? That's because some dude fucked it up the first time she tried and told her she was terrible or something stupid and unconstructive. Don't be that guy. And don't be the girl who looks at some guy's dick and goes, "Oh... um... no... that's really just not what I was looking for," and leaves. Virgins are sensitive, fragile creatures. Take care with them and they shall flourish. We and the creators of the open-minded, self-assured generation. Do not undermine our efforts.


Poly Good Girl

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